Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Baby card + personal rambling
Oh, I can't believe I have not blogged since sunday... well I can as I feel like my MOJO did a runner again.... but have coloured a few images (not 100% happy) but will try and make some cards in the next few days.... although tomorrow I am going to a Craft Expo with my sister and a friend and my sisters friend flatmate. whoo! And on Friday my friend B is coming over for some colouring/ cardmaking! YAY! Sometime before that I need to finish off a Stamp Spot card! :D
A couple from church had a baby girl recently and so on Sat I made this card for them... the stamp is from Hanna Stamps and coloured with copic markers.
Warning: Personal (sad) post (rambling) follows.....
Speaking of babies, you might remember that we were doing IVF recently and I was having the pregnancy test last week... well I have not mentioned it again as it's been a tough week and a bit for me... and too hard to put into words... last weekend I had a lot of bleeding and thought it was all over, however I did a pregnancy test and it came back positive so my hopes were heightened... I had the early test on Monday and it was positive too.... so we did get rather excited and hopeful - but as the numbers were low I was told to have a retest on Friday... it was a fairly hard week waiting and I did more Home tests which started to get fainter so I "knew" that things were not looking good.... Friday's test came back negative and it turned out that the bleeding was an early miscarriage! :( I was really gutted (and still am) and am writing it here as I am too good at keeping it all shut up inside me.
I really thought that this time was going to be different and that we were going to be parents... but it's not to be right now! It's hard... I Trust in God and know that he is in control of all things but I just don't understand this. I do know that he will give us strength to get through this and on with our lives.
What makes me the saddest is that we were 'parents' for a couple of weeks... we heard about the embryos progress from day 1--> day 5 and we got to see a our little embryo on TV the day of transfer and have a picture of our 'little blob'... and yet we will never get to meet this little one (or the other two little embryos last year)... I know some people might think this silly but these were precious little lives that are no longer. I'll never get to hold them in my arms, or see them grow up.
I have the strongest desire to be a mum and am coming to terms with the fact that perhaps that is not to be... I guess this is why I spend sooo much time crafting... it's my therapy!
Anyway if you got through that thanks for reading and listening to me blab on!